Today I am 30. Last night, surrounded by friends I celebrated three decades of life and truly felt celebrated. I am so grateful for the friends and just amazing community the Lord has blessed me with here in LA. Since living here I have always been back in Dallas with my family on my birthday, so while I am sad to not be with them, I feel beyond blessed by these dear people in my life. Truly, God is good. He provides so faithfully.
Today I am 30. Yesterday just 29. It’s amazing the giant leap it seems I have taken in just one day. Yesterday I was merely in my twenties – naive and young. But today I am in my thirties – much wiser and respected (wink wink.)
In all actuality, I know that not much has changed in a day. And I know that the years that mark our lives are only mere numbers. I now have friends in my life that span close to two decades. Isn’t that a beautiful thing?
30. I think of all I have dreamt of accomplishing by this particular number. Have I done all of these things? Definitely not. Will there always be more I want to do? Most definitely. But the older I get, the more I realize that this life I get to live here on this earth is a gift from God, that He is the One who guides my path and each step along the way, that His will ultimately will be done, and that I am in the best hands. And I think… What if I focused less on being the main character of my own story and more on being a supporting character in God’s story?
After all, He is so faithful. He really does always provide. He doesn’t always give me what I want – or what I think I want. But He always gives me just what I need. And sometimes, just sometimes – well, more than just sometimes – He throws in more than that… because He’s just. that. generous. I sincerely desired to be engaged by the time I was 30 – a silly worldly desire in the grand scheme of things – but lo and behold, guess what? I am. One year ago today I was still pining away over Clay across the room at church ;) It’s amazing what God can do in a short amount of time. Oh, how He loves us.
While I feel so grateful the Lord has brought me a future husband and partner in this life, I feel a longing deep in my soul to accomplish so much more with my career and in ministry. Yet I constantly hear Him remind me that Jesus’ own ministry didn’t even start until He was thirty, and that gives me both hope and peace. I think of these thirty years of life I have had and all that I have learned, and I feel God has truly been preparing my heart in so many ways for whatever He has in store for my future. Sometimes it takes what seems like a lifetime for Him to prepare us for what He wants us to accomplish in our lifetime.
I think back on all the experiences I have had in my life that have led me up to this day, and I think about how truly it is well with my soul. There have been messy, sad, hard, frustrating, and confusing times, but when I look back in hindsight, I can see God’s goodness so tangibly through it all, leading and guiding my steps when I couldn’t see two feet ahead. I know He has been there every moment along the way. And I know He will continue to be.
When I take a step back and look a little less from my own limited and narrow perspective and a little bit more from his wider and broader perspective, I am able to see the endless possibilities He sees. I am able to see how He is working all things together in my life for His good. I am able to see more of Him and less of me – more of His story and less of my own.
So while today I may be 30 and feel I have so much more I want to accomplish, I will be encouraged by His perfect and Sovereign plan. I will be comforted by His proven faithfulness in my life up to this point. And I will continue to walk ahead on this path – wherever it may lead – in faith, one step at a time, and looking to Him always.
