I had a moment this week of: “weddings are stupid.” I told Clay the other night, “I don’t want to do this.” “You don’t want to marry me?” he teased. “No. I want to be married to you. I just don’t want to have to plan all of this.”
Hot tears stung my cheeks as I officially had a moment of going down the wedding planning rabbit hole.
This week it’s really getting real. My mom flew in from Texas to help me plan. And because that’s all we’re doing for four days, the reality of all the crazy number of things that need to get done is even more real than ever. I got a bit overwhelmed to say the least.
Clay sweetly asked me, “Hey babe. Is God the same as He was yesterday?” I begrudgingly nodded my head. “Did you trust God yesterday?” Again, begrudging head nod. “Don’t you think you can trust Him today?” And I think you know what came next.
Truth is, I had felt radically more at peace with everything these last few days. You know that “peace that surpasses all understanding” the Bible talks about? Yeah, I felt that. Yet I also feel a recurring battle between my spirit and my flesh. See, while I know what is true – that God is in control, that He is good and sovereign, that I don’t have to do this on my own – my flesh battles to take over and plagues me with doubt, worry, and fear.
Thankfully, the Lord and my sweet fiancé remind me of what’s true: that I can trust God. That He is trustworthy. Every. Single. Day. Hebrews 13:8 tells us:
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
I had that moment of “weddings are stupid” because I feel like all this planning is currently overtaking my life for something that will be over in a day. But I know that it will all be worth it when Clay and I get to celebrate our union with all our friends and family. And I know that with the Lord nothing is wasted… He will use this time to strengthen the relationships in my life, to allow me to be a light for Him along the way, and to continue to prepare my heart for marriage.
Trust. I think – or rather, know – it’s essential in marriage. I am training myself today to trust God tomorrow. I am practicing trusting Him in the chaos and overwhelm of engagement so that I will better trust Him in the chaos and overwhelm of marriage… and children. Hmm, that’s a blog for a different season of life! I’ll stick to the marriage thing now :)
So anyway, trust. It’s what’s God’s teaching me. It’s what Clay’s reminding me. It’s what I have to put into practice and consciously make a decision to do. Every. Single. Day.
Whether your planning a wedding or are just in a busy season of life, will you choose to trust Him in the chaos today?