grateful and struggling


Grateful and struggling… it’s possible to be both.⠀⠀

This pregnancy is such a blessing. We cannot wait to welcome this baby girl into our family. She is the result of many prayers and is tangible evidence of God’s goodness and faithfulness and generosity and love and kindness.

And at the same time, this pregnancy has also been the most challenging season of my life. First half debilitating nausea has given way to second half debilitating physical pain and a level of sleep deprivation that perhaps surpasses my postpartum time with Noelle.

I am grateful and I am struggling.

Praise be to God for a husband who has now finished the Bar and is available to help me and Noelle. I have not been able to be the strong, joyful presence I have so longed to be in her life. And yet I am trying my best to show her that it’s okay to be sad sometimes and apologize to her when I have less patience than she deserves from me. After all, none of us is perfect and that’s what the Gospel is all about—grace in our imperfection and forgiveness for our wrongdoing.

If you, too, are in a season of struggle, please remember that doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful for all the blessings God has given you. May the God of hope fill us with all peace as we traverse difficult paths on this gift of the journey of life.

And for any women out there wondering what pregnancy will be like, please know that if you have a difficult pregnancy that is a challenge to enjoy, you are not alone.

And for any mamas out there who have been where I am now, oh do I feel your pain and sorrow, your guilt and regret, and your longing that it was different.

I have a lot of questions for the Lord. And I will likely be waiting a while for the answers. But this I know: He walks with us. He shows up. He provides daily bread even when it feels like it will never be enough. And He loves us dearly. We are His beloved. We are loved. We are seen. We are known. Even when the world struggles to understand.

This photoshoot seemed on par with this pregnancy. It was freezing and windy. Far less than ideal. And yet… our photographer captured so much beauty. And so does God in all our struggles.

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