In December I reached a point where I was pretty frustrated with this whole acting thing. This being my career and all… I wasn’t getting much traction. Auditions were few and far between, and that’s when the doubt starts to creep in. I wrote in my journal:
“If God has something better for me I just wish he could go ahead and show me. I know his plan is perfect, I just don’t get it in this moment.”
And lo and behold, within three short months I had booked my first network television role, had my first film premiere, and booked my first commercial in LA. How’s that for the Lord reassuring me? He’s basically said, “Here. I’ll give you one of each of these things. Try to doubt me now.” Yet I still do…
Thankfully the Lord has abounding love, grace, and forgiveness. We continue to sin, he continues to forgive. We continue to struggle, he continues to provide. We continue to doubt, he continues to reassure.
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” – Lamentations 3:22-23
My failure to remember and trust and my tendency to doubt makes me think of when Jesus fed the 4,000.
I’m sure we’ve all heard of Jesus feeding the 5,000 with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. And there were 12 baskets of leftovers. But the lesser-known story is that shortly thereafter Jesus fed a crowd of 4,000 with just 7 loaves and a few small fish? And there were 7 baskets of leftovers.
When this crowd of 4,000 gathered, the disciples doubted Jesus’s ability to feed them. Seriously? Jesus had just provided enough food for a crowd twenty percent larger than this one, yet they still doubt?
I would say, “What is wrong with them?!” But then I would have to say, “What is wrong with ME?!”
I am just as guilty as the disciples in limiting God’s power and so quickly forgetting the miracles he has done.
The Lord has provided so much in my life. When I look back I am always in awe and so reassured that he has been right there guiding me through all the ups and down. I am so humbled by his grace and mercy, so comforted by his love and faithfulness.
Why do we forget so soon? Why do we limit Christ’s power?
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8
If he can feed the 4,000, he can feed the 5,000. Heck, he could have fed the 20,000 no doubt.
What is “the 4,000” in your life today? Can you look back on a time when he already reassured and helped you through “the 5,000”?
I can.
