Waiting + Dating: a 7 Week Guide to Godly Relationships

September 5, 2018

I know what you’re thinking: “Easy for you to write about waiting + dating; you’re married!” And well, while that may be true, my journey of getting here was anything but easy. Or quick.

I decided to write this series because for so long I was in that season of “waiting + dating” and longing to honor God in it… and yet so often I faced discouragement in a world that seemed to value anything but.

On the long road of singleness, I waited and dated, I stumbled and fell, I sought, hoped, dreamt and longed, and cried many, many tears. Tears of confusion, sadness, even anger. I wondered, pleaded, and cried out to God, What about me? as I watched friend after friend enter into serious relationships, get married and even begin to start families of their own.

The words of Ed Sheeran rang true in my mind:

All my friends have come to find a place to let their hearts collide.

Over time I began to ask the question, Is God holding out on me?

I didn’t understand. I felt like I had strived my whole life to honor him in regard to romantic relationships, and yet this great desire of my heart–to get married–felt like this elusive ball in an unfair game of “keep away” with God.

In many ways singleness felt like a trial–my cross to bear, the thorn in my side. And in many ways it was. And yet I once heard it said that “our greatest trials become our greatest ministry” and it’s with a humble heart of gratitude that I can most certainly say this one has.

I have a passion for purity, a heart for those who are single, and a great desire to walk alongside those navigating the crazy world of dating. {Remember: I’ve been there–and in Los Angeles, no less!}

As Lauren Daigle so beautifully sings,

For all who wait
For all who hunger
For all who’ve prayed
For all who wonder…

This one’s for you.

Join me these seven weeks as we explore the terrain of unknown and questioning that is “waiting + dating.” My prayer is that you would discover more of God’s heart, witness more evidence of His goodness, and that you would come out the other side with a heart refreshed and will strengthened to seek and live out His beautiful design for this sweet yet difficult season.

You’ll find snippets of my story along the way–the journey that ultimately led me to Clay. But my prayer is that you wouldn’t stop there; my prayer is that my story–our story–would simply act as a reflector that points you right back up to the Writer of it.

My greatest and deepest desire for the series is that you would know–not only with your head but that you would believe in your heart–that you are God’s beloved, and that you would go on to live and act in accordance with the abundant glory of that truth!

Each week will include the following three sections:

Ponder in Prayer: This will be an invitation to ask God to “search my heart and test my ways.” Psalm 139:23-24 says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” This will look like journaling. This will look like praying. This will look like a combination of both. This will be your individual and unique time to ponder in prayer with God.
Knowledge of Truth: This will be what Scripture says–a few passages to help equip you with armor for the battle. As so many of the Proverbs inform us, wisdom comes from both understanding and discipline. Knowing God’s Truth in our minds is the first step to walking in wisdom.
Walking in Wisdom: Knowing God’s Truth helps equip us to then engage in actual practices that will help lead us on His path of righteousness. These will be practical tools for the journey of waiting + dating. This is the part of wisdom that is built through discipline. As we translate what Scripture says into actionable steps for our lives, would we walk in bold confidence toward the goodness, protection and gifts that lie ahead for us.

Take note of this photo above as I’ll be referencing it in the weeks to come! Notice the rocks along the beach. More on that later, but for now–

Ponder in Prayer

This week I invite you to be honest with God about where you’re at in regard to this whole “relationship thing.”

Tell Him all you’re longing for. What do you want? What feels like a need?
Ask Him to reveal to you any place of hardness in your heart or bitterness from the road. Then ask Him to soften your heart and strengthen your weary feet to tread the terrain of “waiting + dating” with renewed strength and excitement for all that lies ahead.
Invite Him to lead you through these seven weeks–to go before you and to prepare the way for all He would have you learn of His heart and design for romantic relationships. Ask Him to open your eyes to read His Truth from a fresh perspective. Ask Him to open your heart to receive His promises like never before.

Knowledge of Truth

It can be done. A God-honoring dating relationship can be walked. I’ll admit at times I wondered if it was possible, but then I met Clay. He was was the first man to truly pursue and date me in a way that honored God. And while we did not date perfectly, I do believe our season of dating was pleasing to the Lord. I do not say this to brag but to humbly offer our story as one of encouragement to you.

2 Peter 1:3 tells us, “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” It’s pretty cool to know that we have been fully equipped to live out a life and a love story that is pleasing to God and glorifying to Him. While it may not always feel true and while temptation may be very real, this Scripture reminds us of God’s unfailing truth–that we have all we need for our journey of a godly life, including but not limited to the portion that is waiting + dating… through our knowledge of Him.
Ephesians 3:20 says, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” This just so happens to be the very day Clay took me on our first date–3.20, March 20! And yet it was on the very journey to Clay, on the very journey through the waiting, that God revealed to me so much of this “more” than I ever imagined He would or could reveal. Of course, I experienced His immeasurable goodness from that first date with Clay and beyond, but I say with all honestly and truth there was immeasurable goodness God gifted me with before March 20!

Our human minds cannot fully fathom all that God has in store for us, and all that He can and will do through us. Waiting for and walking through a dating relationship in wisdom and purity is not easy, but as this verse reminds, it’s not through our own power that we are able, but through the power of the Holy Spirit that is at work within us!

It’s never too late. On the journey of dating, it’s never too late to turn around, to make a change and to walk in righteousness. No one is ever too far gone, too out of reach, or too far beyond repair for God. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or what’s been done to you. The entire reason Jesus gave his life was so that He could cover every sin–as my favorite hymn says, “not in part but the whole” {Horatio Spafford, It Is Well With My Soul}. And not only every sin of ours but every wrongdoing and pain and hurt inflicted upon us.

Romans 8:38-39 tells us that “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Nothing! No sin, no impurity, no past mistake, guilt or regret. No trial, no trauma, nothing.
Isaiah 53:5 tells us “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” We are healed. Already. Not in the future, but right now. Because He was wounded, there is abundant healing for us.

You are God’s beloved bride. Throughout Scripture God talks about us–His people–as the “bride” and Himself as the “Bridegroom.”

He talks about how husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church {Ephesians 5:22-32}. This very metaphor provides us with a glimpse of understanding the way He loves, pursues and remains faithful to us.
The book of Revelation 19-22 lays out all the ultimate wedding that is to come when we are united with our Bridegroom for all eternity. This is the true happily ever after for which we long. Check it out. Read through it. It is such a beautiful picture of hope for all that lies ahead for us–wherever we are on our journey.

Until we reach that happy ending, on our search for an earthly relationship, it is by looking to the Great Love Story that God has written for us–from Genesis to Revelation–that we are equipped to better pursue and live out romantic relationships here on this earth that are both glorifying to Him and life-giving to us.

On your journey of waiting and dating, never forget that you are the beloved daughter or son of the Most High King, that you are wanted, desired, pursued and loved perfectly by the only One who can ever love you perfectly, by the only One who will always fulfill you and never fail you, and by the One who gave His life for you because that’s how much He loves you.

Walking in Wisdom

Read + memorize Scripture. Choose one of the above-mentioned verses to memorize this week. Write it on your bathroom mirror. Tape it to the sun visor in your car. Make it the wallpaper of your phone. We need constant reminders from God’s daily bread to equip us for life, but especially on the journey of waiting + dating.

Devote yourself to prayer. Pray alone. Pray aloud. Pray together with friends going through a similar season. Invite others to pray with and for you. God has given us the gift of prayer–our direct access to Him. He’s there waiting. He’s longing for you to come chat with Him about all that’s weighing on your heart and your mind. He’s ready to meet you where you are and to lead you on your journey.

Seek + surround yourself with community + wise counsel. Shawn McDonald sings the lyrics, “I cannot do it on my own. I cannot do it all alone.” None of us can do any of this journey of life alone–especially not the season of waiting + dating. Seek out Christian community, trusted friends, wise mentors and even a Christian therapist if you feel so inclined. God has gifted us with resources to help us through the journey of waiting + dating. We can’t do it all alone. And praise Him we don’t have to!

I’m truly grateful to have you here, to have you come along for this journey through the next six weeks, and to share with you a glimpse of that which God has taught me and is continuing to teach me.

See you next Monday for week 2!

His humble servant seeking to share His immeasurable treasures with you,

Meredith