4 years of marriage reflections

Clay and I just celebrated four years of marriage on April 23! It’s been quite a journey. We’ve been to three different continents, lived in two different homes, and I’ve given him one quarantine haircut! (see my Instagram for the video!)

As we strolled our daughter through the neighborhood on the morning of our anniversary, coffee in hand, sun’s rays beaming through tree tops, we reflected on these last four years since we said “I do.” We came up with some slightly deeper reflections than the ones listed above, and I thought I’d share them here to inspire your own marriage reflections, or to inspire your own journey to finding a spouse of your own some day!

4 years of marriage.
3 things we’ve done well/learned.
2 things we can work on. and the
1 phrase we added to the end of our vows.


3 things we’ve done well/learned:

  1.  We’ve gotten better at addressing and resolving conflict more quickly. Not avoiding it, letting it sit and fester. But getting right to it. Identifying it, and doing the work of processing through it.
  2. Our weekly Marriage Journal check ins/dates. We go through our calendar, ask each other those 6 questions, and walk away from that time feeling seen, heard, valued, and seeing, hearing and valuing the other.
  3. Praying together aloud every night. Whether we feel like it or not. We take turns. It brings us together, alongside each other in spiritual battle. Opens our hearts and re-aligns them with God’s.


2 things we can work on:

  1. Not getting into conflict so much to begin with. Believing the best in each other. Not taking life so dang seriously…
  2. Living into lightness and joy, laughter and fun. Having a spirit of “whimsy” as Clay calls it. Life really is too short to make big deals out of small stuff.


1 phrase we added to the end of our vows:

“I choose you.”

While marriage has its blissful moments, its great gifts, and is such a beautiful reflection of God’s love for us, it also has its difficult moments, its unforeseen tragedies, and is a complex reminder that this is not our true home, that this is not The Relationship that is the truest desire of our hearts.⠀⠀

We choose each other. We make the choice despite the feelings. Our covenant commitment remains despite changing seasons. I love resting in this truth. I love knowingly deep within my soul that no matter what happens we’re in this for the long haul.


If you are single, remember it is you who choose—who you date and how you date. If you are dating, remember it is you who choose if you stay with that person, if you enter into covenant relationship with that person.

Do not choose lightly. And when you do choose, choose to relentlessly pursue each other daily!⠀⠀

Clay, thank you for choosing me every day. Happy anniversary, my love! The wait to get to you was more than worth it.

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