it’s not about me

Today is Krissi’s birthday. She would have been 27. I think about her life, and I wonder what she would be doing now, who she would be, where she would live. I wonder if she would still have that same infectious laugh and if we would still be quoting those same lines from Friends.

Then I think about my life. Am I where I thought I would be at 27? That’s a firm “no.” When I was 18, I never would have thought I’d be an actress in LA. I feel pretty blessed that I am fortunate enough to be pursuing this amazing “dream,” that I am on this incredible journey.

I think about Krissi, and I wish she was still on this journey here… Man, I miss her.

Krissi, thug - Version 2

My dad always says,

“Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.”

The sad truth is, we don’t know when our time on this earth will end. So I must ask: if we are constantly living for tomorrow, then what are we doing? Tomorrow may never come. We have today. We wake up each day with the opportunity to spread some light, to make a difference.

I’m convicted by my own words. I often get caught up in the tomorrows of my “dream.” But I pray I will start to make more of today.

That’s what Krissi did. She made the most of the each day, of each relationship she had. She knew people were what mattered. For four years she was aware that she wasn’t guaranteed another year, month, or even day. She took every opportunity to be a witness to those God had placed in her life.

She made a difference. Right where she was planted.

We don’t have to go to Africa, to the ends of the earth, to make a difference. There are so many opportunities all around us if we will just be present.

krissi bed

 I am reminded of the the words of Ephesians 5:15:
“Be very careful, then, how you live… making the most of every opportunity.”

Be very careful. Take care. Take care of others. Take care of yourself. But most of all take care in each tiny opportunity we are given. Each breathe is one.

When I look around at my life and all of the great opportunities I’ve been given, I often feel selfish even asking God for anything at all. Yet somehow I never hesitate to tell Him what I want. But how many times have I gone to bed at night without thanking Him for all the blessings He has given me? Too many, I’m afraid.

Too often I make it about me. When really, it’s all about Him. His plan.

Of course life gets difficult at times, sadness creeps in, great pain threatens to overcome. I have felt this all in losing this sweet friend. But despite it all, I know God is good. I know He is loving. And I know He is here.

I know He has me right where He wants me. I know it’s not for my own benefit, but for His. (Of course, I have to remind myself of this daily!)

We will always be longing for the next step in life. Maybe it’s to be married, maybe it’s to have a baby, maybe it’s to book that dream role or get that big promotion. Maybe you question God’s goodness in the midst of the longing. But our God is not a vindictive God. He is not punishing us for past sins. He is working it out all for the good (Romans 8:28).

And He is doing so through you, right where you are at this very moment.

Maybe our “light and momentary struggles” really are achieving for Him an eternal glory that far outweighs them all (2 Corinthians 4:17).

When I was burying my dear friend, Krissi, mere days after her eighteenth birthday, and days before I would walk across that stage in my cap and gown without her there, I was heartbroken. I still am.

I think about how in many ways I had to grow up too fast. But then I think about how it’s not about me.

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3 Responses

  1. JFUNK says:

    so true! i love your dad's quote about life happening while we are making plans!

  2. Liz says:

    Such a sweet tribute to Krissi. Wise words. Love you!

  3. You are such an inspiration Meredith. Well said.

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