This season has been a rough one health-wise.
I have felt like I am broken inside waiting for healing. I have felt like I’m at the end of a long tunnel waiting to see the light. I have felt like I’m stuck in the middle of the night waiting for the sun to rise.
Nobody likes waiting. We want things now. We want stuff now. We want healing now. We want relationships now. We want more. And we want it now.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me for wanting healing. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me for longing for restoration in my body. I don’t even think there’s anything wrong with me for feeling like I’m sitting in the dark waiting for the light.
And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me coming before the Lord with questions, with frustration, with weakness – asking him why, asking him how long, asking him so many things.
In this season of my life I have found myself more frustrated with the Lord than I have ever been. Yet in this season I have found myself more delighted in the Lord than I have ever been.
You see, God never gives us more than we can handle. This season has been such a testament to that in my life. Because while I have been waiting, broken, exhausted and drained both emotionally and physically in regards to my physical body, the Lord has filled my life with such provision of relationships, love, and just an incredible sense of His presence in the midst of these trials. He has given me an amazing family and supportive parents who help and encourage me so much. And he has given me the incredible gift of a loving and godly man to walk beside me down this dark road.
And you know what? The road doesn’t seem so dark when you know God is providing for you in other ways. It may not be the way you are hoping for specifically. But He’s not done with you. If you look around in the midst of whatever trial you are going through, do you see Him? Look harder. He’s there. He’s there in the love of your family. He’s there in the encouragement from your friends. He’s there even in the smile of a stranger. And even if you experience none of those things, He’s there in the sunrise each morning. He hasn’t forgotten about you.
“He’s not finished with me yet.” – Brandon Heath, Wait and See
Keep waiting, my friend. Keep looking up. And you will see the light. It will rise. And you will too. He will lift you up just like He lifts up that sun every morning.
“The night is finally over; take a step into the light.” – Phil Wickham, This Is The Day
I took a step into the light this morning. Or rather the Lord led me into it. Just as I was finishing up a little yoga, the song that was playing through my speakers was coming to an end, and I just happened to capture this beautiful beam of sunlight creating a magical 7-second video you can view on my Instagram.
This weakness I feel is only strengthening me in Him. And this darkness I see if being shattered by His light.