what a difference a year makes

A lot can change in a year. One year ago today this house and this babe in my belly were both a mere wish floating around in the abyss of my mind. But here we stand today, and they are both a wonderful reality.

A year ago today we were traveling through Italy, checking off my pre-baby bucket list item, but I had no idea what lay ahead for us on the journey to becoming parents. I never knew how difficult or emotional it would be and just how much control I’d have to surrender to God.

I’d been wanting to move into a house for years, but because of Clay being in between jobs we were sort of in this long, drawn out “interim” phase. It was a season of waiting, and one in which I didn’t see an end in sight. And then in October a positive plus sign on a pregnancy test and a possible next step for Clay’s future career opened up, and well, just like that the Lord opened the door for us to buy this house.

It all happened so quickly. But then something unexpected happened—the day before we opened escrow I miscarried.

I cannot explain the overwhelm of the season that followed. Navigating through the grief of loss while doing paperwork, ordering closet shelves, window shades and the million other things you have to do when buying a home truly felt like too much.

There were days I felt like I was drowning. Days I could barely get out of bed. Days that seemed so dark the sun would never shine again.

And yet here we are. And instead of drowning in grief and overwhelm, I’m drowning in gratitude for all God has done. For where He has brought us. And for the darkness He has so faithfully led us through.

When Sarah sent us over these photos, I told her I loved them but I wished we had turned on the lights in the living room behind us because it was so dark! And yet the more I think about it, the more appropriate and perfect this photo feels—for God has brought us from a season of darkness and delivered us to stand in this marvelous light.

We are expecting our rainbow baby, our daughter, in just a few months. And oh how grateful I am for this place to welcome her home, to build a life, to start our family. How thankful I am for this man who has held my hand through it all—who has prayed for me, with me and over me, who has stepped out onto the spiritual battlefield with me time and time again, and who has had faith for us both when mine was faltering.

If you are in a season of waiting, loss or darkness of any other kind, I encourage you to trust that God is preparing a way to deliver you into a bright new season ahead. I pray this snippet of our story is an encouraging example of His faithfulness to you.

“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” – Lamentations 3:25

photo: Apple Rose Photography

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