I was a 30-year-old virgin on my wedding day.
It’s a fact the world would tell me to hide, but it’s a truth I long to proclaim–not in pride for my purity, but to encourage, in humility, others who wait, who are seeking to honor God’s design, who long to do things His way and not their own.
When Clay and I were dating, I remember learning that some Christian couples we admired had not waited until they were married to have sex. Waiting is difficult, and I had a moment when I truly wondered if it was possible. (That was the whisper of the enemy just like back in the Garden. Not much has changed since the time of Genesis.)
And so I write this post today to say to those who are waiting that it is possible.
It is difficult, but it is possible.
5 truths for waiting
*Every good thing in this life is worth the work.
*Your significant other will love you in marriage with the same discipline with which they date you.
*You are worth the cost of waiting. Jesus literally gave everything for you; you’re that worth it.
*You do not need to have sex to find out if you are sexually compatible. (That is a straight lie from Satan.) You have a lifetime to “work” on sex–which, within the confines of marriage if so fun and completely void of shame.
*There is not one ounce of shame associated with sex the way God designed it to be. Sure, we all have our baggage, but the Lord redeems and blesses faithfulness.
Don’t let the enemy whisper his lies to you.
They come in the form of TV, movies, social media, magazines, you name it. His lies are everywhere. They literally scream at you from highway-side billboards as you drive.
Let God’s voice be louder.
3 tools for waiting
*Seek His voice by reading His Word and in prayer.
*Seek wise counsel, and by gosh, get an accountability partner!
*Thing about your story, long-term. What do you want it to look like?
God is telling a great big Love Story, and you’re already a part of it. When you find your place in that Love Story and you seek to model your own love story after it, you’ll find perspective in the waiting, endurance on the journey, and incredible hope and joy no matter what chapter you’re in now.
“So take courage, my heart
Stay steadfast, my soul
He’s in the waiting.”
– Kristene DiMarco, Take Courage
I was a 30-year-old virgin on my wedding day, thanks to God’s grace, a commitment I made to myself when I was 7 years old, and the Holy Spirit’s guidance and protection.
If you have a past you aren’t proud of, join the club.
Scripture tells us, “There is no one good, not even one” (Romans 3:10). That’s why there’s grace and forgiveness. That’s why Jesus died on the cross.
No matter what our past, no matter how far we have strayed, we can receive this grace and forgiveness and be made new. Scripture tells us that God’s mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-25).
costly grace over cheap grace
But let us not get into a pattern of living where we simply receive grace but continue on our own path.
Let us take Christ’s sacrifice seriously.
Let us seek costly grace over cheap grace, as Henri Nouwen puts it–cheap grace being that which causes one to return to sin knowing they wil be forgiven; costly grace being that which causes one to run from sin, knowing they are forgiven.
Save the most precious part of yourself for the one who will cherish you the way you–daughter or son of the Most High King–deserve to be cherished.
I promise you:
It is worth the wait.
It is worth the cost.
It is worth the tears and the loneliness to find your way into a love that lasts, into a marriage that thrives and not merely survives, into a love story that runs deeper than fleeting feelings.
Because feelings change–they ebb and they flow.
But covenant? That’s a foundation to build a life on.
It’s the only foundation I want to build upon.
“I give it all to you, God,
trusting that You’ll make
something beautiful out of me…
There’s nothing I hold onto.”
– Will Reagan, Nothing I Hold Onto
I won’t give you just half my life.
All or nothing.
Let it all be for Jesus.”
– The Worship Initiative, Shane and Shane, Davy Flowers, Hymn of Surrender